Happiness: Part 2 – What is it? How Can I Get it?

In our previous post we explored the meaning of happiness and how it manifests itself in our lives. There are many practices and habits that we can incorporate into our lives that will help us cultivate and increase feeling of happiness. Let’s explore some of these below:

Gratitude: It is essential for our well being to try our best to count our daily blessings. The language that we use to describe our day and what we choose to focus on can greatly affect our mood. If we can focus on positive experiences or moments in our day, that will help steer our focus to more productive and positive experiences, rather than negative thoughts that lead to frustration, resentment or anger. This can be done in many ways: simply conversing about the best part of your day with your partner, family members or friends, or playing games like “roses and thorns” or “highs and lows.”. Activities like these allow you to vent about some frustrations of the day while balancing them with highlights of the day. This can also be done by keeping a gratitude journal. Writing a short list of positive events that happened that day can greatly affect our outlook and perspective about the direction our life is going in. These can be as simple as really enjoying your lunch that day, having a meaningful conversation with a coworker, friend or family member, appreciating the weather or nature, to more significant events such as being recognized for an achievement at work or school, or a breakthrough in a family relationship. When we start to record the positive aspects of our day, we are often surprised at how this shifts our perspective to one of gratitude as we realize how many positives we have experienced that day. It is also very rewarding to reach out to someone who has made a difference in your life, or provided you with support in some way. This reminds us that we have understanding and support from those around us and reinforces the connection with others that promotes feelings of happiness and contentment. Any gesture, big or small can be very meaningful for us and giving someone positive feedback about what they did increases both our happiness and theirs. If you feel uncomfortable doing this face to face, you can send a note instead.

“I often tell my clients to try and adjust their perspective from one of expecting to one of accepting.”

Acceptance: This is another important ingredient to achieving happiness. I often tell my clients to try and adjust their perspective from one of expecting to one of accepting. Often we place high expectations on ourselves or those around us. Sometimes these are not realistic or achievable expectations and result in feelings of disappointment and defeat. Setting more realistic goals and accepting our own limitations as well as those of others helps us to be more realistic and less likely to experience feelings of failure or regret. Accepting others’ limitations also allows us to attain the ability to forgive, a quality which helps us to let go of feelings of resentment, anger or frustration, and encourage inner peace and contentment.
Laughter is a great way to cultivate happiness. It promotes feelings of relaxation and reduces stress. It is important to try and find the humor in everyday life. At times this may be very difficult, but when combined with a perspective of gratitude and acceptance, the door is open to taking things less seriously and finding a little humor every day. Laugher even has physical benefits such as lowering blood pressure, and reducing stress hormones.

Focusing on our interpersonal relationships is also important. In this age of social media, people often communicate through text messages or emails, even telephone calls have become less common. It is important to connect with our friends and loved ones in meaningful ways to remind us that they are there for us as we are for them. When we connect with others we also realize we are not alone in our struggles. Once we open up about our vulnerabilities, we give others permission to do the same. Chances are, those around you will be relieved to know they are not the only ones struggling to juggle life’s responsibilities. We can model for each other behaviors of acceptance, gratitude, support and vulnerability. How wonderful would it be if we all reached out to support and encourage each other instead of trying to compete or outdo one another? We are all so busy trying to look like we have everything under control, when we often have the same challenges and stresses.

Developing relaxation and stress reducing habits are also helpful. Incorporating exercise into our life can greatly reduce feelings of anxiety and depression as well as relieving stress. Being aware of when we need to take a break and slow down is also effective in promoting feelings of happiness and calm. We often try to push through exhaustion instead of allowing ourselves the break that we need. When we listen to our bodies and let ourselves recharge, we often come back much more able to tackle our list of things to do instead of overloading ourselves and burning out.
Relaxation breathing can help calm feelings of stress and anxiety as well as promoting restful sleep. It is important to take a break from technology to avoid being over stimulated. How many of us are guilty of being on our smart-phones right before we close our eyes? I know I am! Perhaps we can take some deep breaths, or listen to guided relaxation recordings or soothing music instead. This also relates to living mindfully and trying to be present and aware in the moment, rather than worrying about what didn’t happen yesterday or what needs to happen tomorrow.

It seems that what all of these techniques have in common is that they involve taking better care of ourselves and others. Learning to be in tune with our own needs and responding with kindness and understanding, rather than criticism and judgment. What can you do to feel happier today? Share your thoughts in the comments section!